I wasnât given the tools to be FEARLESS.
And⊠maybe you donât have them eitherâŠyet. But Iâm here hoping that I can help you with that today.
My parents divorced when I was 2 â I didnât see my dad much growing up.
I was a victim in a shooting, when my mom was dating a drug dealer.
My mom and stepdad, when she got remarried... together made about 14K per year... that meant I couldn't rely on them for financial support.
I was from a small town where you were made fun of and hated if you were gay
â which I am.
I grew up in an extremely religious family where personal opinions and choiceâŠ. not really encouraged.
My mom has borderline personality disorder. Which is kinda like living with an alcoholic, you never knew when the other show was going to drop and she would go into a rage. She wasn't really capable of making me feel smart, capable, or beautiful â but she did the best she could raising four kids.
I had to figure out to be confident on my own.
Now, I know, Iâm all those things, I am smart a\nd capable and beautiful.
Maybe you need to know that too.
You are smart, capable and beautiful.
We all have obstacles.
We all face obstacles, Selena Gomez had a kidney transplant, Shawn Mendes just started getting mental health treatments⊠I bet you have an obstacle in your life right now.
Something thatâs weighing heavy on your mind that you are trying to figure out or that you are confused about âŠand they keeps you from being fearless.
So how do you overcome the obstacles?
How did I overcome the obstacles⊠??
Raise your hand if you have an obstacle in your life right now.
THE NUMBER ONE OBSTACLE WE ALL ARE WORKING ON EVERYDAYâŠTHE RELATIONSHIP WITH OURSELVES, ITâS WHAT HOLDS US BACK THE MOST.
My biggest obstacle for a long time in my life â keeping me from being fearless, was that I was continually mean to myself.
I was a master at self sabotageâŠ.ââ negative self talk, and I can still slide into that.
Why would you ever be mean to yourself, or critical of yourself.. ?? there are plenty of people who are going to be mean to you.
You have to be your own cheerleader.
I would tell myself I wasnât pretty, or I was lame, or fat.. or whatever because thatâs what I had been taught to believe about my selfâŠ. I was always getting in my way, thinking that I didnât deserve success or fame, or attention or whatever. Sometimes I still do thatâŠ. it took me forever to come out on the radio because I thought people wouldnât approve or love me.
I realized eventually ⊠⊠I had to give approval and love to myself if I was going to continue to do what I loved doingâŠ.âŠ. .
When I met my wife 13 years ago⊠we got married 3 years ago⊠and one of the most profound things she taught me was how to love myself more -
and it started with a simple story⊠and I want to share it with you.
Itâs a Cherokee Legend, MythâŠ.
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. âA fight is going on inside me,â he said to the boy.
âIt is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil â he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.â He continued, âThe other is good â he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you â and inside every other person, too.â
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, âWhich wolf will win?â
The old Cherokee simply replied, âThe one you feed.â
Our thoughts can be our own worst enemy. OR.. our best friend.
Next time you have a negative thought, catch it and ask yourself, âWhat is this thought doing for me?â
Apply that to anything.
Is this negative friend helping me or hurting me?
Is worrying about not getting enough insta likes, helping or hurting?
Not being happy with a selfie that you posted cause you think you donât look good⊠helping or hurting?
You will find that the answer is that all that negative talk is disempowering you.
Itâs keeping you from trying out for something, or being creative, or trying something new, or taking a chanceâŠâŠ or talking to someone âŠâŠ.. negative self talkâŠ. keeps you from being fearless.
If you take away anything from todayâŠ.. use this.
I think it will be easy to rememberâŠ.. to help you be fearless, in your pass to success.
The 7 Pâs
Prep
Put in the WORK - do you think people who succeed on youtube get it right on the first time out
Passion
People
Pride
Perseverance - you gotta stick with it.. sometimes itâs gonna take a while, but hang in there..
PREP
â I try not to walk into any situation without knowing what it is.. I have a rule when Iâm interviewing someone that âŠbefore I ask a question, I better already have an idea of what the answer is going to be. Great architects donât wing it. Have a plan. For our show, it may sound like itâs all spur of the moment, itâs not. We know what we are going to do the day before.
PUT in the WORK
- Pitbull has a lot of positive saysingsâŠincluding Talento - you can have talent, but if you donât put in the work⊠youâre not gonna make it. I have worked hard, overtime, weekends, learned things that werenât even my job.
Work on yourself tooâŠ...Build your confidence!
Do something fun or scary, be nice to yourself, help someone else, care for yourself, say no when you need to.
PASSION
Find your THANG. ⊠what do you like to do? What are you good at?
I donât think itâs ever too early to start thinking about what you want and who you wanna be. When I was five I was walking around recording people, asking them questions, ⊠and by the time I was in high school I had a tv show.
That is who I wanted to be and so I surrounded myself with activities that would make me into that person.
So⊠who do you want to be? Donât wait.. go ahead and dream big.
My motivation as a kid was to get away from my home situation âŠand so I focused on school, homework, activities,
And⊠yes, Iâve had a crazy fun career doing something I love âŠI get to make people smile, be creative, meet awesome people, Iâve lived and worked in DC, Seattle, and San Diego. Iâve worked with Jesse Lozano for 6 years and heâs an amazing man, legends like Howard Stern and Jeff and Jer. Iâve help raised millions of dollars for hundreds of charityâs, probably given away a million dollars in prizes. Iâve met and interviewed so many celebs, J Lo, Demi Lovato, Channing Tatum, Chris Evans, Adam LevineâŠ. Whoopi Goldberg.. . you name it⊠and I can probably tell you a story. I love my life and my job.
PEOPLE
â starting with you. As we talked about earlier.
Start with being good to you, kind to you, learning to love you.
Mentors can be a huge help to you.âŠ.Someone who can help you find your voice, and help you define yourself so you can be fearless. my aunts who showed me a different way of being and living⊠they were my mentorsâŠâŠ.. because I wanted something different for me.
It doesnât matter who is.. mom dad, teacher, friend, me⊠reach out to me on instagram ⊠@delanabennett â just find someone who can help you .. to help you find your voice.
PRIDE
â this one covers a lot âŠ.
Donât waste who you are.. have pride in who you are - because we all have something to give that is unique.
Look up the who the internet calls the ugliest woman in the world, who is now an author, motivational speaker and one of the most inspirational women Iâve seen speak. her name is Lizzie Valasquez. Youâll be inspired.
AsSHOleS>⊠#metoo
I think lately we know a lot about that⊠and things are getting betterâŠ. people are going to try to bully you into saying yesâŠ.
Stand your ground and learn to say noâŠ..
Iâm a scuba diver ⊠you see sharks quite a bit - if you are circled by sharks, you stand your ground and punch them in the nose if they come too close. Same with bullies that are trying to push you into something you donât want to do.
PRESERVERENCE
- you gotta stick with it.. sometimes itâs gonna take a while, but hang in there.. not gonna be easy, but keep working at it.
So you need to make a choice right now.
Are you going to be the person who walks in with a smile and positivity who can get it done, or are you going to be the negative ..the person whose always complaining and making excuses?
Are you going to be a bassass, or are you going to sit on your ass and make excuses?
Are you going to say you can or âŠ.are you going to say you canât?
Are you going to walk around, over, thru obstacles, or get stuck behind that wall?
Up to you.
But ⊠I say go with being a bassass.
And... one more note on love:
Carrie Bradshaw ⊠in Sex and the City ⊠The most exciting challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself, and if you find someone to love the you, you love, well thatâs just fabulous!